i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
