eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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