Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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