I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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