its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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