I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
