We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
