How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm both gender and math confused
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
