C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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