I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
