if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
