WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
foreskin is a definite game changer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
