my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
