im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
