When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
