You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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