listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
