You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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