Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
