Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
