Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
