home. puking in laundry basket.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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