hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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