I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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