You can't special order awesome
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
