all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
