we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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