At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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