Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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