I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
