I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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