I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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