I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my vag is so smooth its legendary
two words: eviction party
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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