I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
