stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
