I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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