once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
