mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
