the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
