i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it was like having sex with a tree stump
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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