if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
