I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
