Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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