I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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