so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
