I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You are a genius and a whore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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