Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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