i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
