return my video game
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
