You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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