yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
