how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
