my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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